Human relationships, no matter the type, are challenging. Whether the relationship is parent-child, professional, or romantic, miscommunications and hurt feelings are bound to arise. These types of issues can often be due in part to our attachment styles.

Attachment theory is an area of developmental psychology that posits that every human being has a specific way of interacting within relationships that is mostly developed during early childhood and, more specifically, within their primary relationships. The dynamics are complex, but having even a basic understanding of attachment style can help people better navigate their relationships.

At Columbia Associates, we emphasize the importance of acknowledging these dynamics, particularly as they relate to anxiety and relationships. Our comprehensive anxiety treatment programs are designed to guide people through these challenges with more compassion and expertise. For more information about our mental health programs, call 703.682.8208.

Understanding Anxious Avoidant Attachment

Traditional attachment theory identifies four primary styles of attachment,¹ including:

• Secure
• Anxious
• Avoidant
• Disorganized

However, there are nuanced complexities within these attachment styles that may result in some people experiencing a combination of these styles. One such example is anxious-avoidant.² This style combines elements of anxiety and avoidance in relationships. Individuals with this attachment style feel a desire for intimacy but also a strong desire for independence. Evidence points to this behavior stemming from early childhood experiences where primary caregivers were inconsistent in meeting their emotional needs, leading the individual to develop self-reliance as a defense mechanism.

How Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Can Present Challenges in Relationships

The impact of an anxious-avoidant attachment style on relationships can be significant. Individuals with this attachment style may find it challenging to sustain stable, long-term relationships due to their conflicting desires for both connection and autonomy. This can lead to cycles of intimacy and withdrawal, creating emotional distance and misunderstanding between partners.

Some common challenges for someone with an anxious-avoidant attachment style can be:

• Difficulty trusting others
• Reluctance to express emotions and needs
• Fear of abandonment
• Struggles with vulnerability and intimacy
• Tendency to withdraw when feeling stressed or overwhelmed

While gaining an understanding of your attachment style is an important first step, it’s likely not enough to sustain a satisfying relationship in which both you and your partner feel as if your emotional needs are being tended to. Therapy is often the next best step to help you learn new, meaningful ways of interacting with your partner or other loved ones. Therapy can help individuals identify underlying patterns and beliefs and learn healthier ways of relating.

Anxiety and Relationships

Anxious-avoidant attachment can significantly increase the level of anxiety within relationships. The internal conflict of wanting closeness while also fearing the loss of independence creates an opportunity for more anxiety to grow. This often manifests as tension and emotional turmoil between partners, which can then lead to further miscommunication and strain on the relationship.

Conflict based on unmet emotional needs or misinterpretations of a partner’s actions is common. For people with anxious-avoidant attachment, these scenarios may result in a heightened anxiety response, causing them to retreat further into self-reliance.

Signs You May Have an Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style

If you’re wondering if perhaps you have an anxious-avoidant attachment style, here are a few factors to consider as you self-assess:

1. Instead of trusting others, you tend to be self-reliant.
2. You maintain emotional distance in relationships.
3. Suppressing emotions and avoiding vulnerability is what’s most comfortable for you.
4. In relationships, you have a tendency to withdraw during times of stress.
5. A conflicting desire for closeness yet fear of dependency.
6. Tendency to prioritize autonomy over partnership.
7. Challenges in communicating emotions and needs effectively.
8. Experiencing anxiety when relationships become too intimate or dependent.

If all or several of these characteristics feel familiar to you, it’s possible you have an anxious-avoidant attachment style. Seeing a therapist can help to confirm your thoughts or identify another attachment style that may more accurately describe your experience. More importantly, they can work with you to find new ways of interacting with others and develop a more rewarding relationship.

Call Columbia Associates Today

Gaining insight into and addressing anxious-avoidant attachment can empower you to build more fulfilling and secure relationships. Columbia Associates offers a comprehensive anxiety treatment program uniquely tailored to address attachment-related issues. Our expert team can help you develop healthier relational patterns and coping mechanisms. Let us help you create the secure, meaningful connections you deserve. Call 703.682.8208 today.

For new clients, please click here to schedule an appointment. For existing clients, please click here and find your office location to contact your office directly.

Sources:

1. The Cleveland Clinic – The 4 Attachment Styles and How They Impact You
2. PyschCentral – Here Is How to Identify Your Attachment Style